Saturday, September 17, 2011

Granola Bandit

Yes, I am a true, loyal fat kid. However my spandex and I agreed that the "Healthy Breakfast Yogurt Parfait" was a wise choice after some poor late night dietary decisions. Including but not limited to; a painfully long pro-con list pizza vs. falafel. Pizza won not because it proved to be logically better but because it was the first food stand I found therefore throwing the list of comparisons out the window. (we will get to a logical comparison of the two super-foods at a later date.) The pizza finding was followed by a one man scavenger hunt for ice cream, could have ended in a failure if not for a 24 hour grocery mart visit and a successful chunky monkey purchase. Things would have gotten ugly had I not filled my need for a double serving of dairy after a night of heavy drinking.

This morning I thought, "what's better for a potential lactose intolerant dairy overdoes? Yogurt." And therein is where I chose the 1% yogurt with fruit, granola and date honey off the menu. After my impulsive pre-beach breakfast order, I started thinking to myself; nothing is worse than ordering a yogurt parfait and getting skimped on all the special effects. This applies to frozen yogurt and sprinkles as well. We've all had that feeling of instant disappointment and betrayal after ordering some kind of fancy bougie, "greek yogurt with home made organic granola and organic farmed freshly sliced fruit" and getting hit with a condiment sized portion of yogurt with a cube of cantaloupe floating somewhere inside or even worse when the pie filling type of blueberries are sitting on the bottom and the top of the watery yogurt is drizzled with a few measly flakes of granola.

Quite frankly I find it to be morally offensive. Who do you think you are granola nazi?
I genuinely cannot decide what I find to be more morally offensive, "yogurt parfait" robbing me of my well anticpated granola and leaving me with the lonely taste of white nothing-ness bullshit yogurt, or tuna salad turning out to be mayo coated chopped celery sitting atop a giant leaf. I am a firm believer that cantaloupe is the wal-mart of all fruits and I swear if I found one more globalized mass produced melon in my parfait, lives would have been lost.

Luckily this beautiful morning I was blessed with a breakfast happy ending. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my "Healthy Breakfast" choice not only does not rob you of your well deserved fruit:granola:yogurt ratio but also includes a second act twist.
Under the yogurt was resting layers of pomegranate, sliced plums, grapes, almonds, and pinapples. Dannon's fruit at the bottom name was just put to shame my friends.

Aroma Healthy Breakfast, you win my and my spandex's approval for any day food. 

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